Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
