left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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