So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
