Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
