no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
