..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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