no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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