I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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