We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
