dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
