i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
