I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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