All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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