So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we're so committed to being not committed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
