billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
