So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
