My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
