FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
