i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
