So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
