There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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