I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
