It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
