he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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