she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
