this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
