Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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