She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
