My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
