Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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