We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
