I have demons in me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
