The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
