If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
