That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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