Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
