he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
