it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
