Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
