This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she smelled like a LAN party
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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