I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
