I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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