i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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