My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I party with great urgency now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
