At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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