Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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