I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
