Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
