I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
