Can Purell be used as lube?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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