Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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