He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
